Monday, May 14, 2012

Twitter meet #The Worst.

I know some of you are Twitterless Twits and that's ok, don't you fret, because I'll give you a brief rundown about the subject which I'm about to address.

"Twhat?", you say?


There is currently a trend on Twitter, which consists of posts relating to awkward or awfully embarrassing moments in people's lives. These Tweets begin with "That moment when" and then describe the painful moment, which other people may or may not be able to relate to on a personal level. Obviously, I'm a huge fan of this, considering I could write a series of novels on the stupid crap I do on a minute to minute basis. So, for example, someone might post "That moment when you run into your ex during the exact moment that a juicy green booger is dangling from a rogue nose hair and you are completely unaware."

For the record, that has not happened to me... as far as I know. So actually, it might have happened to me.

Oh crap, that totally happened to me.

In fact, just the other day, I posted about how I hopped over a mound of clothes piled on my floor, which made me trip over a godforsaken shoe, landing directly on an earring which was lost in my carpet, coincidentally piercing my left palm. Oh, and this moment was during the wee small hours of the evening, around 2 am, so I couldn't scream because everyone in my house was blissfully slumbering, and heaven forbid I should wake them up to the bloodbath which I just created for myself. I think my face turned purple, then red, then blue all in a matter of 7 seconds.

No. Big. Deal.

And then I made a discovery. Here's the thing about the Twitter generation, we believe we are so clever with our witty hashtags and brutally honest anonymous tweets, however, this whole "That moment when" trend is not an original concept.

Have you ever heard a person tell you a semi-painful story and follow it with, "Yea I hate when that happens... That's the worst."

Ellen Degeneres... one person who I would pay ungodly amounts of money to have lunch with, did a bit about this during one of her stand-ups. I definitely suggest you watch the entire show (You might want to be wearing a diaper while you do). Hey, if you ask nicely, I'll even let you borrow mine, but for the purposes of this post please skip to 6:20 of the video below.

ANYWAYS! I've decided to start the #TheWorst trend on Twitter for two reasons... 

1.) When people think horrible things happen to them, they normally need someone to either tell them, "Oh yea, that's the worst!" or  "Hey, why don't you gain some perspective and go shove your silver spoon up your..."

And 2.) I want to be famous for something.

I actually can't sit here and act like I've never said, "Man, that's the worst!" In fact, here are a list of things that I find are #TheWorst that life has to offer...

1.) When you really gotta go. I mean REALLY gotta go. And you are nowhere near a bathroom. Like NOWHERE NEAR a bathroom. Suddenly you see a glimpse of light in the far off distance! You read the letters and form a connection "REST AREA 1 MILE". You hear angels sing Hallelujah as if they were floating beside you in the passenger seat. You race out out of your car like a bat out of hell (whatever that means) and you squat over the first toilet you see. You relieve yourself, and grab for some toilet tissue. And what do you find. A cylinder of cardboard.  #THEWORST

2.) When you have a cold, the flu, allergies, and every time you start to talk to someone, they ask you who died. #THEWORST

3.) A sunburn. And then a cold shower. #THEWORST

4.) Spilling hot coffee all over yourself while in the car trying to merge onto a major freeway, as you are running late for your first day at your new job. #THEWORST

5.) Sneeze-farting in mid-conversation with your new co-workers during your first week at your new job #THEWORST

6.) Having to come up with something clever to tell your guy friends as to why you don't want to party when you are PMSing or having any kind of menstrual issues. I.E. Boobs that ache too much to move, so I'm not really concerned with raging tonight. #THEWORST

7.) Having an itch somewhere you can't (or shouldn't) scratch. #THEWORST

8.) Eating something crunchy, that by definition should not be crunchy. #THEWORST

... you get the picture.

So, for all you tweeters out there, get this trend going and don't forget to hashtag #GooberDaisy right after it. I want everyone to know I came up with this great idea!

Wait a minute...

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