Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Nikki Z's Ultimate Top 40

Since I started this whole blogging ordeal, I've had multiple friends request that I write a post dedicated to music. I don't like to toot my own horn (toot toot) but I consider myself something of a musical guru. 

Like, you know that game you play in the car where the Car DJ plays a few seconds of a song and  you try to guess the title and artist as quickly as possible? What?! No one else plays that?!?! Well, I'm a 3 time gold medalist in that game.

Now, most people don't have an absolute favorite song, but I do, because I'm a freak. It's "Crash Into Me", the single most overplayed Dave Matthews song of all time. I get chills every time I hear it. It makes no sense whatsoever but I can firmly say that there is no better song than that, in my opinion.

So, here... I'm disclosing my top 40 songs aka the soundtrack of my life. How did I select them, you ask? Well, I went through my iPod and wrote down all the songs that were physically impossible to skip over without listening to them in their entirety. I also asked my closest friends what song came to mind when they thought of me. These are the people who know me the best. Some of their responses scared me, because I could totally understand why they associated each particular song with my persona, no matter how ridiculous that song may be... Ehhhemmm... ("Milkshake" by Kelis). 

You might think I'm crazy. You might think I'm a genius. 
Frankly, I don't give a damn.
It's my list. And I stick my tongue out towards the haters.

  • "Closer" by NeYo - If this song is slick, then the video is Slick Rick.

  • "Night Moves" by Bob Seger
  • "Gettin' Jiggy With It" by Will Smith
  • "Midnight Train To Georgia" by Gladys Knight and The Pips
  • "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" by The Darkness
  • "Shower The People" by James Taylor
  • "She Talks To Angels" by The Black Crowes
  • "PYT" by Michael Jackson
  • "Yellow" by Coldplay
  • "What If I Came Knocking" by John Mellencamp - It has a rough, sexy, edgy-ness that I love.
  • "Best I Ever Had" by Drake
  • "Dancing In The Dark" by Bruce Springsteen
  • "I Try" by Macy Gray
  • "Summertime" by Kenny Chesney
  • "Dream On" by Aerosmith
  • "You Send Me" by Aretha Franklin
  • "Sweet Lady" by Tyrese
  • "I Want You Back" by NSYNC
  • "Sure Thing" by Miguel
  • "Valerie" by Amy Winehouse
  • "Soon I'll Be Loving You" by Marvin Gaye - You can't not like this man.
  • "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
  • "Never Can Say Goodbye" by The Jackson 5
  • "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston
  • "Mr. Jones" by The Counting Crows
  • "Slow Jamz" by Kanye West
  • "Hear Me" by Kelly Clarkson
  • "Milkshake" by Kelis
  • "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman
  • "Rearview Mirror" by Pearl Jam - Pissed off? Bad break-up? Give this a listen.
  • "Ordinary People" by John Legend
  • "Getting In The Way" by Jill Scott
  • "Untitled (How Does It Feel) by D'Angelo
  • "All By Myself" by Celine Dion
  • "That's All" by Genesis
  • "Nothing Even Matters" by Lauryn Hill
  • "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers
  • "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan
  • "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews
  • "You Gotta Be" by Desiree - I dare you to listen to this song when you're in a bad mood.

Dear "Now That's What I Call Music" people,

Go ahead, give my people a ring. I look forward to working with you.


Monday, May 14, 2012

Twitter meet #The Worst.

I know some of you are Twitterless Twits and that's ok, don't you fret, because I'll give you a brief rundown about the subject which I'm about to address.

"Twhat?", you say?


There is currently a trend on Twitter, which consists of posts relating to awkward or awfully embarrassing moments in people's lives. These Tweets begin with "That moment when" and then describe the painful moment, which other people may or may not be able to relate to on a personal level. Obviously, I'm a huge fan of this, considering I could write a series of novels on the stupid crap I do on a minute to minute basis. So, for example, someone might post "That moment when you run into your ex during the exact moment that a juicy green booger is dangling from a rogue nose hair and you are completely unaware."

For the record, that has not happened to me... as far as I know. So actually, it might have happened to me.

Oh crap, that totally happened to me.

In fact, just the other day, I posted about how I hopped over a mound of clothes piled on my floor, which made me trip over a godforsaken shoe, landing directly on an earring which was lost in my carpet, coincidentally piercing my left palm. Oh, and this moment was during the wee small hours of the evening, around 2 am, so I couldn't scream because everyone in my house was blissfully slumbering, and heaven forbid I should wake them up to the bloodbath which I just created for myself. I think my face turned purple, then red, then blue all in a matter of 7 seconds.

No. Big. Deal.

And then I made a discovery. Here's the thing about the Twitter generation, we believe we are so clever with our witty hashtags and brutally honest anonymous tweets, however, this whole "That moment when" trend is not an original concept.

Have you ever heard a person tell you a semi-painful story and follow it with, "Yea I hate when that happens... That's the worst."

Ellen Degeneres... one person who I would pay ungodly amounts of money to have lunch with, did a bit about this during one of her stand-ups. I definitely suggest you watch the entire show (You might want to be wearing a diaper while you do). Hey, if you ask nicely, I'll even let you borrow mine, but for the purposes of this post please skip to 6:20 of the video below.

ANYWAYS! I've decided to start the #TheWorst trend on Twitter for two reasons... 

1.) When people think horrible things happen to them, they normally need someone to either tell them, "Oh yea, that's the worst!" or  "Hey, why don't you gain some perspective and go shove your silver spoon up your..."

And 2.) I want to be famous for something.

I actually can't sit here and act like I've never said, "Man, that's the worst!" In fact, here are a list of things that I find are #TheWorst that life has to offer...

1.) When you really gotta go. I mean REALLY gotta go. And you are nowhere near a bathroom. Like NOWHERE NEAR a bathroom. Suddenly you see a glimpse of light in the far off distance! You read the letters and form a connection "REST AREA 1 MILE". You hear angels sing Hallelujah as if they were floating beside you in the passenger seat. You race out out of your car like a bat out of hell (whatever that means) and you squat over the first toilet you see. You relieve yourself, and grab for some toilet tissue. And what do you find. A cylinder of cardboard.  #THEWORST

2.) When you have a cold, the flu, allergies, and every time you start to talk to someone, they ask you who died. #THEWORST

3.) A sunburn. And then a cold shower. #THEWORST

4.) Spilling hot coffee all over yourself while in the car trying to merge onto a major freeway, as you are running late for your first day at your new job. #THEWORST

5.) Sneeze-farting in mid-conversation with your new co-workers during your first week at your new job #THEWORST

6.) Having to come up with something clever to tell your guy friends as to why you don't want to party when you are PMSing or having any kind of menstrual issues. I.E. Boobs that ache too much to move, so I'm not really concerned with raging tonight. #THEWORST

7.) Having an itch somewhere you can't (or shouldn't) scratch. #THEWORST

8.) Eating something crunchy, that by definition should not be crunchy. #THEWORST

... you get the picture.

So, for all you tweeters out there, get this trend going and don't forget to hashtag #GooberDaisy right after it. I want everyone to know I came up with this great idea!

Wait a minute...

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Mother May I?

My mother wouldn't let me get my belly button pierced.

My mother forced me to play softball when I asked to cheerlead. I was literally bawling my eyes out, watching out the window as she pulled out of the driveway to sign me up.

My mother didn't buy me a car for my 16th birthday. I don't know why I expected this, but regardless of my idiocy, I did.

My mother promised to never give me another one of her hard-earned dimes if I ever even thought about getting a tattoo anywhere on my body.

My mother made me come straight home after school dances, I wasn't allowed to "stay the night at a friends house".

 My mother cut up my first credit card and made me pay off the entire balance the day she found out I had one.

My mother wouldn't let me watch R-rated movies. She still won't watch one with me. I'm going to be 24 this year.

My mother wouldn't buy or let me wear anything from Abercrombie and Fitch.

My mother made me get up and go to church every Sunday. If I was sick, I had to show her my puke in the toilet in order to get out of it. If I accidentally flushed before she got there, well... I was out of luck.

My mother lectured me about wearing clothes that were too tight, too short, too revealing... and still does to this day.

My mother made me get a job, gave me chores, and made me do my homework. Buzz. Kill.

My mother wouldn't be my friend.

So, if you're wondering how I feel about growing up with the meanest mother that ever lived, my fear of her will not keep me from disclosing the truth to my readers... 

I am eternally grateful for all the things she never let me do.

Happy Birthday Mom, thanks for loving me enough to be mean to me! I love you!

And Happy Mother's Day to all the other mean mothers out there... keep on keepin' on.
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