Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Little Spy That Could

I remember being about 6 or 7 years old, and waking up with an unusual amount of enthusiasm for the upcoming school day. The reason for my ardency? The fire department was coming to school and they were bringing a fire engine with them... So. Cool. Duh! And I knew that if I got lucky, they'd let me try on their gear. I was such a girly girl back in the day, I promise.

I'm sure there were 29 sets of parents that were extremely peeved that evening. Why you ask? Well, all of us 6 or 7 year olds were instructed by the cool firemen to go home and ask our parents to plan, practice, and execute multiple escape plans in case of a fire or other household-life-threatening emergency. I'm pretty sure my parents told me that if there was a fire to just open my bedroom window, jump out of it, and hope not to land on a rock.

That story does correlate with what I'm about to tell you, I'm just not exactly sure how so.


You know those movies about spies on top secret missions, or bank robbers who are trying to steal the world's largest diamond? Of course you do. 

Alright, you know the part where they suddenly develop professional gymnast skills and can maneuver through a laser-beam-security maze like Nastia Liukin performing a floor routine?

Ok, confession. I may or may not have a teensy weensy fantasy about doing this. I'm talking about being a spy, not being a gymnast.

I actually didn't realize that I'd been subconsciously visiting this fantasy in my head until a few days ago while I was at work. In the basement of our building, there are double doors which have a sensor that allows the doors to open automatically if someone is walking towards them. The sensor is only on one side of the doors though, which perplexes me. If you are on the other side of the door, you have to physically push the doors open. I'm not perplexed by the fact that I have to exert energy, I just don't understand why there isn't a sensor on both sides.

Anyways, as you push open the doors and pass through them, your movement is caught by the sensor on the other side. At that point, they finish the job for you and automatically open the rest of the way.

Well, I've apparently convinced myself that there is a flaw or a break in the sensor and if I move through the doors in just the right way, probably with a few backhand springs and round-off's... I will breach the system and bypass the sensor, and thus pride myself in stumping what I believe to be Big Brother.

I didn't ever realize I was doing this. I've worked at my job for over 3 years. And I'm pretty sure I go down to the basement a few times a week. And it just occurred to me that I literally make this an utmost important goal of mine every single time I go down there. Like, the day I pass through those doors without them opening automatically, I will probably shout "YIPPEE!" at socially unacceptable volume levels, immediately leave work, and head straight to the Pentagon to attend to more pressing matters.

God, help me. I need to solve this mystery.
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