Mother May I?

My mother wouldn't let me get my belly button pierced.

My mother forced me to play softball when I asked to cheerlead. I was literally bawling my eyes out, watching out the window as she pulled out of the driveway to sign me up.

My mother didn't buy me a car for my 16th birthday. I don't know why I expected this, but regardless of my idiocy, I did.

My mother promised to never give me another one of her hard-earned dimes if I ever even thought about getting a tattoo anywhere on my body.

My mother made me come straight home after school dances, I wasn't allowed to "stay the night at a friends house".

 My mother cut up my first credit card and made me pay off the entire balance the day she found out I had one.

My mother wouldn't let me watch R-rated movies. She still won't watch one with me. I'm going to be 24 this year.

My mother wouldn't buy or let me wear anything from Abercrombie and Fitch.

My mother made me get up and go to church every Sunday. If I was sick, I had to show her my puke in the toilet in order to get out of it. If I accidentally flushed before she got there, well... I was out of luck.

My mother lectured me about wearing clothes that were too tight, too short, too revealing... and still does to this day.

My mother made me get a job, gave me chores, and made me do my homework. Buzz. Kill.

My mother wouldn't be my friend.

So, if you're wondering how I feel about growing up with the meanest mother that ever lived, my fear of her will not keep me from disclosing the truth to my readers... 

I am eternally grateful for all the things she never let me do.

Happy Birthday Mom, thanks for loving me enough to be mean to me! I love you!

And Happy Mother's Day to all the other mean mothers out there... keep on keepin' on.