R.I.P. Chivalry

A friend and I had a phone conversation recently that turned into a debate on the reasons why chivalry has died. I blamed much of it's death on the advancements in social technology, which provide men much easier (and might I add, less personal) vessels by which they can contact plausible romantic candidates.

I'm certainly not bashing computers, cell phones, or iPod's in any way, (clearly I'm a blogging and social networking fiend, and can hang with the best of them), but oddly enough fellas, reading a text message that says, "Well hello, hot stuff." just doesn't do it for me.

Now, I don't wish to find the perfect gentleman; a guy who never forgets his "please's and thank you's", stands up when I leave to powder my nose, and opens every door, window, and beer can for me. If I ever meet that man, I might have to slug him in the arm and fake seeing a Volkswagen.

I just want an average joe, to be quite frank. Believe it or not, my rule of thumb has always been, "It's fine if you belch or fart... as long as vomit or "Number Two" don't follow so quickly that I have no time to evacuate."

... See, I'm not asking for much. Work with me, here.


I mean really! What happened to the time when a man used to be ballsy enough to ask a girl out on a date, when he's actually looking the girl in the eyes, and not using software with a funny name like Skype?

And the thing is, even if you were the worlds biggest shmuck... there is no way in hell that I would be able to reject you, if you approached me like that. In fact, there's a good chance I would start displaying symptoms of shock and you'd have to call for a squad.

I'm well aware of the fact that I sound like a very sexist Women's Lib advocate right now, and I'll give it to you men, I've known women to be a little more harsh and down-right bitchy, now-a-days. But you leave us no choice when we open up our Facebook inbox and see something like this... "u looked gud 2nite wen we gon chill nxt?"

Word to the wise, I usually get a little cranky when I can't decipher encryptions.

So here's a few things I'd like to clarify on behalf of all the single ladies out there...

• We appreciate and enjoy your honesty, as long as you aren't discussing how the wings we ate for dinner will probably give you the runs.

• We don't expect a dozen roses, but showing up with a few $2 daisies would be phenominal, once in a blue moon. Oh hell... who am I kidding? We'd probably have a heart attack if we'd get a  "You look cute today." out of you. Even if you're not at all that interested... it's still fun to play the naive card and believe that nice guys haven't gone extinct.

• Some girls like to talk on the phone, but please don't bother calling us so we can waste our breath while we hear you playing Madden in the background.

• We're content with a date consisting of drinking a few brewskys and watching a basketball game, but please don't ask us to re-enact the latest RAW match with you. Especially since you've probably been developing your moves since Hulk Hogan was in the ring.

• And last but not least, we know we're crazy. The best way to calm us down is to tell us that you think we look prettier when the vein in our forehead is bulging.