Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I was thinking the other day about super powers.  
As in, if I could have any super power, which one would I choose?

I decided that the power of flight would best suit me, but only because I always have dreams that I can fly and I find it quite exhilarating. Alright, well it's not really flying in my dreams, per say... it's more like I have an invisible wheelchair that I'm sitting in, and I'm in the air, looking down on everyone else from it and if I need to get anywhere, I just start pushing my invisible wheelchair wheels. The harder I push, the faster I fly. And for all of that invisible wheeling I do, my biceps still maintain a perfectly feminine shape. Although, when I wake up, I always want to rub on a good glob of icey-hot, to use as a precaution against that day-after-work-out burn.


Before I made this ever-so-important executive life decision, I kept on debating the concept of telepathy. At first, I thought it would be the greatest super-power to be endowed with. This could be because, at the time, I was standing in small, confined area next to someone with a bad case of body odor and the only thought that was streaming through my pea-brain was, "Dude, that extra swipe of Old Spice definitely would not have been a bad idea." Of course, if I had telepathy at that point, I could have told him this remark somewhat politely, via my inner-most thoughts.

As you can only imagine, there are other times when telepathy would be a great tool to carry in your super-belt.

Exhibit A: Meeting members of the opposite sex while out with a group of friends.

My group of friends likes to go out, have a few drinks, and bust out a few dance moves every now and then. There are pros and cons to situations like this. The pro is that it always presents you with an opportunity to meet new interesting people. The con is that these new people might not be the kind that you are really interested in meeting, aka creepy men who think it's ok to sneak up behind you and start dancing while you are completely unaware of their presence.

Now, here's where telepathy would play a key role in the lives of females across the globe...

The guy dancing behind you is normally one of two options... 

1) He is a cute med student who rarely gets a chance to go out and cut loose, since his main focus is studying up on the craft of saving human lives, and has a weird but endearing obsession with dance songs from the early 90's including Snap's "I've Got The Power"
... or ... 
2) He's a 36 year old bachelor who still lives in his mothers basement, plays halo 15 hours out of the day and had a little too much liquid courage for the evening.

Now, if I had telepathy and one of my girls was in this situation with guy #1, I would think to myself, "Yeaaaaa, that's my girl. Get it, get it, just don't go overkill on the Michael Jackson grabs." And with guy #2, I would just shoot her a quick mind message saying,  "S.O.S.", and we would race to the bathroom, claiming her bladder is two thirds the size of an average adult's.

Telepathy would be completely useful in my daily life.

But given the choice, we all know I would obviously go with the invisible flying wheelchair. Which actually, is more of an instrument, than a super power.



  1. Oh my goodness. You really ARE a goober!

    I flap my arms in my flying dreams. How can I get my hands on one of those wheelchairs?

  2. If you can find a way to get into my subconscious, I'll probably sell you mine for a reasonable price. Unfortunately, I'm so broke that I've taken to selling many of my valuables, so I'm sure my fantasy vehicle is the next to go.


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