Monday, April 4, 2011


When I was in the 8th grade, my class went camping for a field trip. Before we departed, one of our teachers who was chaperoning laid down some ground rules for this event. One of her biggest points of emphasis was that there was to be no "griping". I had no idea what this word meant at the time. She elaborated by saying that we needed to make sure we were properly prepared for this trip with bug spray, sunscreen, and warm clothing... because if we weren't and then felt somehow inconvenienced by the great outdoors, her response to our complaints would be, "Sucks to be you.".

The great thing about blogging is that you can write about almost anything your little heart desires. Therefore, her rule doesn't apply here, and I raise her request for no gripes with my own ground rule...  
"You've got to give bitching where bitching is due."

As I got off work the other day, I was shocked to find that the usual cheery blue skies of Ohio, were painted a lovely shade of gray. Speaking of complaining, bad weather is something that Ohioan's can never seem to get used to, (Although every year we encounter this unpredictable weather pattern and vow to relocate to San Francisco as fast as we can pack our things and never look back. Which is also something that never happens.)


As I approached the door to exit, I thought to myself, "Self, why didn't you watch the news this morning? Why don't you watch the news any morning? Why are you always so unprepared and umbrella-less?" and then realizing that there was literally nothing I could do to avoid a sopping wet disaster, I trudged onward, persuading myself that a little rain never hurt anyone.

Enter Gripe, stage left.

Socially, whether you realize it or not, there is a polite way to walk in America. It's the same way we drive. Stay to the right, unless you are making a turn left, in which case, you move to the center lane and wait for the oncoming traffic to pass, thus allowing you a comfortable distance to maneuver and be on your merry way. In a multi-lane scenario, all slower moving vehicles should remain to the right, so that passing traffic may use the "fast-lane" for its intended purpose... which is, passing slow-pokes.

So... why then, do people who are walking with a group of friends, feel the need to take up the entire sidewalk, even though they know there are other pedestrians, either walking towards them, or approaching them from the rear? If you were driving, and saw two friends in two other cars, would you drive together side by side, taking your time so that all other traffic has to wait in annoyance? No. You wouldn't. So why do people walk like that? I would say this statement is directed mostly to females, the species that cannot urinate without a partner(s), but as I was walking on this particular rainy day, 3 guys without umbrellas decided to mosey along in front of me, side by side, as if they were Siamese triplets with magical, water repellent skin... and honestly, I'm pretty sure those don't exist in real life. One of them even turned around as he heard my flip flops sloshing through the puddles behind them, but still kept on walking slowly with the others, like they were purposely trying to lose a 4 legged race. (I don't think those exist either, but you catch my drift.)

Surrrrrre, I could have said, "Eh hemm... excuse me, little girl with no shelter/hooded apparatus trying to pass.", but their discussion on whether it was Taco Bell's Cheesey Gordita Crunch or Chalupa Supreme which had more protein per serving was so intense that I dared not interrupt for fear of losing a limb on account of their starvation. Which, if I might add, was even more reason for them to pick up the pace. Helloooo! If you're so hungry, quit attempting the impossble task of metamorphasizing into a human sloth. In the pouring rain.

Stupid boys. Learn how to walk politely, before I attack you with this frizzy, Medusa-like mane that your un-sexy saunter is creating.

Exit Gripe, stage right.


  1. So true. Seems like when people are in a group, they think they are the only ones on the planet

  2. I am always behind a slow walker at the grocery store. They just meander down the aisle like there isn't anyone behind them who needs to get a week's worth of groceries in 15 minutes.

  3. SERIOUSLY! I wish I could invent a walking radar gun and make a living by giving people walking tickets...


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