I have a confession.
I secretly I wish I was of Italian descent.
And not so that I could behave like this chick and get paid millions of dollars for it...
(Although, that does have a disgusting amount of abnormal appeal to me.)
I want to be Italian so that I can make mistakes like this woman and have everything turn out just fine and dandy by the end of the day...
Yes, this is a picture of Cher. It's from the movie Moonstruck, and to any of my friends who are reading this right now... stop laughing and stop making fun of me. It actually is a good movie, once you get past the part where she tells Nicholas Cage to "leave nothing but the skin over her bones" when they are about to... well... you know.
Basically, Cher's character has the ultimate fail story, and still comes out a winner by the end of the film. Whenever I watch it, I feel so good about myself and where I'm at in my life. And here's why...
- She still lives with her parents. And she's like, I don't know... at least over the hill. Which is a big fat fail, within itself.
- She is a widow. She got married at City Hall. And shortly after, her husband got hit by a bus and died, before they could have kids. (Insert Charlie Brown teacher saying, "Wah, Wah.")
- She's dating the world's largest mama's boy, who has the exact amount of sex appeal as a porcupine. She doesn't love him, at all... she just likes him. Oh, and she basically has to walk him through how to propose to a woman, and she accepted a pinky ring as her engagement ring from him. Girl, what are you doing?! What are you thinking?!
- So then, he has to fly to Sicily to be with his dying 400 year old, big mouthed mother, and the only thing he asks of her is to go invite his brother to their wedding, since they were not on speaking terms. (Are you still with me? Of course you aren't! Continue reading.)
- She didn't even know the brother existed at this point.
- So, she goes to the bakery where the brother works to invite him, only to find out he is Nicholas Cage. With a wooden hand. I'm not lying. He has a wooden hand.
- Somehow, she ends up cooking for him, he flips the kitchen table (for no apparent reason at all), and he picks her up, takes her "TO THE BED!!" (that's what he tells her when she asks where he's taking her. He screams it. They are in a room that cannot be larger than the inside of a Volkswagon. There is no need for screaming in a room that small.)
- So, she cheats on her boring fiance with his brother Nicholas Cage who has a wooden hand and I'm pretty sure Tourette's, as well.
- Oh, then she catches her dad cheating on her mom, while she is at the Opera with her now, secret-lover-brother-of-her-fiance-man.
- And the movie basically ends with her fiance and lover coming over and having a meal with her family, where all of their dirty secrets are thrown out onto the kitchen table. And everyone is comfortably ok with all the cheating, scandalous, Italian madness.
- And then they take a family photo together.
So, that's the movie Moonstruck in a nutshell. Actually in a bulleted-form. Like I said, the main appeal of this movie is that it's just a big long series of failures, (Symbolic of, but not resembling, my life.) and yes, it probably does suck, but I like it and this is MY blog and MY life, not your's... so, DEAL WITH IT!
Ok, I did have a point and was planning on going somewhere with this...
I wish I was Italian. Right.
It seems to me that a lot of Italian girls are rash, hot-tempered, outspoken, and just plain outlandish. And then when people judge them for that... they quickly refute people's judgmental responses by saying, "Uh, hello... I'm Italian... that's what we do." Alright, so maybe I've been watching too much Jersey Shore... but it's "reality" TV so, it must be the reality of all Italian girls, right?
And well, from what I've gathered from my Italian friends, being Italian comes with a lot of food, a lot of family, and a lot of yelling. And my life consists of a lot of all three of those things. And at times it can be embarrassing, annoying, and down right unbearable... but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Ok, I guess I would have it one other way... I would have it Italian.