I Disagree With Most Product Demographic Analysts

So last week I got shampoo in my eyes during 3 out of 5 showers. I wish I could write "Haha, just kidding" after that statement, but my mother frowns upon lying.

This got me thinking and I'm willing to bet that someone could make a pretty penny if they could come up with a marketing plan for products geared towards children, and aim sales towards adults as well.

I strongly believe that I could be onto something because there were three thoughts that quickly passed through my mind while my eyes were burning as if I were using acid to clean my hair with, instead of Garnier Fructis. 

My first thought was, "Ooowwwwww-cha!" 

My second, "Why is this the third time this has happened this week? Get your life together, little miss sloppy." 

And the last thought was, "Man, I should really consider investing in some Johnson and Johnson's No More Tears."

Why is this called "baby" shampoo? Would it make a person incompetent if they were to accidentally get a dribblet of shampoo in their eye(s)? Why has no one thought to make some No More Tears for adults? After all, shampoo in the eye(s) hurts just as much when you're 23 as it did when you were 2. Trust me, I would know.

There are so many products out there that would be fantastic for all human life forms, not just children. The more I think about it, I feel so discriminated against. I mean, I would love to walk into an Applebee's, throw on an adult sized bib and not feel as though everyone in the establishment was judging me. This is America, I think I reserve the right to eat, not only comfortably, but also sloppily, and not have to worry about staining my adult sized onesie for crying out loud.

Which... might I add... are so incredibly stupid and not practical whatsoever. Think back to when you were a kid... did you enjoy when your parents made you wear itchy footed pajamas? No. Those things were god-awful. Half the time you would wake up at 3 a.m. in a pool of your own sweat, have to unzip the whole thing so you didn't feel like you were suffocating to death, and you'd lay there awake, half naked, cursing your parents and their god-forsaken ideologies of making sure their children didn't get frost bite in the winter. Parents, a little suggestion- either go with the flannel sheets or the flannel pajamas... never both. Children do not enjoy sleeping in an inferno.

And neither do adults... which is why adult sized onesies are just simply ridiculous. Dear people who come up with these crazy invented products, quit spending time on impractical items for consumption and do something productive, like formulate a No More Tears shampoo for adults. 

Thank you and good morrow.

When life gets ya down...

We all have rough days. Whether they are the causation of our own poor choices or awful coincidental mishaps, these tribulations can take you from a day full of sunshine, puppies, and warm apple pie to one which consists merely of resting in a big pile of your own poo.

Bottom-line? Sucky days suck. Sometimes there isn't a damn thing that can pull you out of a funk, besides laying your noggin down, getting a little shut-eye and waking up the next day hoping that it will turn out better than the last.

... or...

 you can think of this lady...

When you have a bad day, try to remember that you are not stuck in a bathroom living in fear of seeing your kin-folk for 2 years and your skin hasn't adhered itself to a porcelain throne. That may be just the ticket to uplift your spirits and brighten your gloomy afternoon.

Don't knock it, unless you know it.

As a kid, I was furious with my parents when they wouldn't buy me the newest Barbie Doll during our weekly trip to the grocery store. I guess they were more concerned about saving money for more important things, like fixing our air conditioning and a little something called my college tuition fund. They didn't realize that the only thing on my mind was Barbies, Barbies, and more Barbies. I mean really, who needs secondary education when you can accessorize 10 new outfits and ride around in a hot pink Mustang GT all day long? Barbie doesn't.

As a pre-teen, I got upset when a popular girl received a note from a boy in my class. Said boy should have TOTALLY known I was crushing on him, but he didn't have a clue. I was livid because I knew the truth. He only liked her because she was cute and blonde. But he should have wrote me that dang note for goodness sake. I knew him like the back of my hand. I knew his favorite potato chip flavor, I knew that he loved Scottie Pippen, and I knew that his left eye twitched when he got called on by a teacher. I wish I could tell you that I grew out of my stalker Taylor Swift phase but as luck would have it, I didn't and I've recently Facebook creeped on the fellow. He now has 4 kids from 3 different baby mama's and posts/brags about being arrested for possessing obscene amounts of marijuana. I really have a knack for seeking out the prized-winners, I tell ya.

You would think that with age would come wisdom... but nope, not for this girl. I still find myself getting in a tizzy over insignificant things that in the grand scheme of life, don't and won't ever mean diddly squat. I have thought long and hard about this (mostly during my drive to work) and right when I think I'm getting somewhere close to a revelation, some jerk-off rides my bumper, I flip him the bird while rolling down the window and shouting nothing, but giving him my angry eyes, (because I'm god awful when it comes to face to face confrontation) and I completely lose my train of thought. I actually lose my train of thought during the formation of about 70% of all thoughts, which if you think about it, means I have the potential to become a genius surgeon, legendary inventor, monumental mathematician, and/ or a pulitzer-prize winning novelist, if I ever decide to apply all of my brain power at once. What I'm trying to say is, I could be a pretty big deal one of these days, if I ever get around to mastering concentration.

I had a point...

We all get a little emotional about things that we believe to be important, when others either disagree, are ill-informed, or simply don't care. When you love something beyond your own will and others just don't see why, it leaves you a bit frustrated to say the least. Think about what it means to be passionate. Being passionate about something/someone not only means you're madly in love with it/him/her, but it means you feel so strongly that you will become irrationally upset over it/he/she if anything/anyone threatens you and it/him/her. Make sense? Hmmm... let one of my favorite actresses, Kathy Bates, do a little demonstration for you.

"Cock-a-doody!" Haaaa, that gets me every time. 

Alright, maybe I'm not that crazy... but you should have seen me while I was reading the Twilight series and some butt-head had the audacity to poke fun at me for it. At that point in time, I guess you could say I got a little Annie Wilkes-ish on haters.

So, the next time some big nerd-burger starts going totally Luke Skywalker on you, have a little respect for his passion and don't belittle them for it. It's actually pretty amazing that someone can be so knowledgeable about anything that they could share every minor detail about it with another human being in a conversation without losing interest. Some of us like college football, some of us like Hello Kitty, others prefer slideshows of insect thorax cross-sections.

I say, whatever floats your boat... more power to ya, man.