Monday, December 12, 2011

I Disagree With Most Product Demographic Analysts

So last week I got shampoo in my eyes during 3 out of 5 showers. I wish I could write "Haha, just kidding" after that statement, but my mother frowns upon lying.

This got me thinking and I'm willing to bet that someone could make a pretty penny if they could come up with a marketing plan for products geared towards children, and aim sales towards adults as well.

I strongly believe that I could be onto something because there were three thoughts that quickly passed through my mind while my eyes were burning as if I were using acid to clean my hair with, instead of Garnier Fructis

My first thought was, "Ooowwwwww-cha!" 

My second, "Why is this the third time this has happened this week? Get your life together, little miss sloppy." 

And the last thought was, "Man, I should really consider investing in some Johnson and Johnson's No More Tears."

Why is this called "baby" shampoo? Would it make a person incompetent if they were to accidentally get a dribblet of shampoo in their eye(s)? Why has no one thought to make some No More Tears for adults? After all, shampoo in the eye(s) hurts just as much when you're 23 as it did when you were 2. Trust me, I would know.

There are so many products out there that would be fantastic for all human life forms, not just children. The more I think about it, I feel so discriminated against. I mean, I would love to walk into an Applebee's, throw on an adult sized bib and not feel as though everyone in the establishment was judging me. This is America, I think I reserve the right to eat, not only comfortably, but also sloppily, and not have to worry about staining my adult sized onesie for crying out loud.

Which... might I add... are so incredibly stupid and not practical whatsoever. Think back to when you were a kid... did you enjoy when your parents made you wear itchy footed pajamas? No. Those things were god-awful. Half the time you would wake up at 3 a.m. in a pool of your own sweat, have to unzip the whole thing so you didn't feel like you were suffocating to death, and you'd lay there awake, half naked, cursing your parents and their god-forsaken ideologies of making sure their children didn't get frost bite in the winter. Parents, a little suggestion- either go with the flannel sheets or the flannel pajamas... never both. Children do not enjoy sleeping in an inferno.

And neither do adults... which is why adult sized onesies are just simply ridiculous. Dear people who come up with these crazy invented products, quit spending time on impractical items for consumption and do something productive, like formulate a No More Tears shampoo for adults. 

Thank you and good morrow.

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