Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Before You Speak

"Think before you speak."

Who truly believes this anymore? Anyone? Anyone at all? 

... *... crickets... * ...

With the upcoming election being beaten through our tiny pea brains by the media and advertising industry, it's no wonder that people don't know how to filter their speech, thoughts, opinions, and/or ideas anymore. When an obnoxious fly won't stop buzzing in your ear and won't land somewhere long enough for you to smash it to smithereens, what do you do? You call it an annoying bastard and curse the day it was ever brought into existence. This is a perfect metaphor for my feelings towards the 2012 presidential election.

In fact, just the other day I caught myself holding back the urge to call total strangers imbeciles as they stood in front of me discussing which political candidate they thought would be more beneficial to the future of our country. It could have been Albert Einstein and Sir Isaac Newton waiting in line before me. I didn't care. Because they were in heated debate about the election, they were both nincompoops to me.

Honestly, I find it very difficult to take any interest at all in politics, for the sheer reason that I can't stand listening to people argue, bitch, and bicker, and never come to an agreement on the subject at hand. I realize it's extremely important to educate myself on the election and candidates, take a stance, and finally to vote for the person who I believe will make their best effort to help me, my future, and the future of my children and this country. However, rarely is there a time when I can sit through the name-calling, mud-slinging, and slanderous statements for long enough to decipher through the muck and discover the real facts. It's literally a physical impossibility for me. In the end, I want to punch both parties square in the nose, before finding a more eloquent manner to ask if they could just shut the hell up.

I should not be surprised by any of this, I realize, because we live in a world where the freedom of speech is being abused more and more every hour of every day. When I say that the freedom of speech is being abused, please understand that I love the fact that we live in a country where it is permissible to speak your mind without the fear being stoned to death or imprisoned. What I mean by my statement is that very few people think about what they want to say, before they say it. All they know is that they are completely right, and the person they are arguing is 100% wrong... and they will figure out how to back this up, in due time.

It SHOULD NOT be this way. Granted, some of the most important thoughts are spur-of-the-moment, passionate spontaneities, which unfold in front of us before we ourselves even have a chance to comprehend their true meanings. But truthfully, a well planned, thoughtfully composed opinion is one that I'd much rather listen to, as opposed to one from a person who has no idea what they are talking about until the moment that they part their lips to speak and concoct their support as the word vomit falls from their mouth into my ears.

As important as it is to have well-constructed, organized thoughts, I understand that it is equally important to be emotionally connected with the words you preach. Otherwise, there is no way in hell you are going to convince any one that you know what you are talking about, or that your ideas have any type of validity to them at all. For pete's sake, when my own father tells me I'm overly dramatic and ardent, I correct him by stating that my feelings are passionate and heartfelt, otherwise, they would not be surfacing and would not hold a drop of importance to anyone listening. Something inside each of us pushes our scruples to the exterior and, to me, these convictions are worth weighing out.

HOWEVER...

The fact of the matter is, there are certain thoughts that each one of our brains contains, which we should just keep to ourselves. Before we speak at all, we should quickly ask ourselves, "How is what I'm about to say going to affect my listener, positively or negatively?". The answer to this may lean more closely towards the negative end of the spectrum, which is fine, as long as we are aware that this is the action we are about to take and accept the consequences which will follow thereafter.

I am not saying that we should not speak if we believe what we say will cause controversy, argument, or disagreement. This is by far one of the best ways for mankind to learn and grow. The point I am trying to make is that we should be certain that our hearts and our minds are in agreement when displacing thoughts through our mouths. We should be sure that what we are preaching is an idea which truly belongs in the minds of others for them to ponder, refute, or concede with.

Now, if CNN and FOXNews could just grab this concept by the reigns, I think you might be voting for Miss Goober Daisy as the next Commander in Chief. 

My slogan? 

"THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK."

Friday, July 27, 2012

Dating and The "Happy" Medium

We have all heard the story of "Goldilocks and The Three Bears".  I will honestly admit that I never really understood what this fable was trying to teach us. As a child, I guess it taught me that breaking and entering would more often than not result in three carnivores trying to make me their lean cuisine.

Looking back, I'm beginning to think that whomever first began telling this story was trying to teach their children the beauty of moderation. However, kids usually want a thriller so the adult eventually decided to add in some scary bears that would bust the naive young trespasser, therein derailing children from the original moral of the story.

Now, stick with me here.

In theory, could we apply Goldilocks' attempts to find perfection to say, our lives or even... dating? I think so.

The media and marketers tell us that we either want things to be bigger, better, faster, stronger... or... smaller, slimmer, shinier, smarter. But is this false advertising? When applied to the dating world, how many of us have no idea what we are looking for because of the conflicting advice we receive from friends, family, and society? Do we want someone who is mysterious, sexy, and bold? Or do we go for someone who is kind, caring, and low key? Do we play the damsel in distress? Or do we actively become the heroine of the story?

Let's go with the females perspective, since... SURPRISE! I am not a man and have no freaking idea what men want or think, as much as I may put on otherwise.

So, as women, many of us grow up thinking that some prince charming will come into our lives, looking all Brawny Man-esque, sweep us off our feet, and then provide for us and our family for the rest of our life. Then we get a little bit older, and our elders tell us to "Be smart.", "Forget men.", "Find a career and make a living of our own.", then worry about romance once we have all of our ducks in a row. We take this advice, but struggle to come to terms with the life we choose, because we are still hanging on to the idea that we could have had a man slaving in the work force for us and all we would have had to do was pop out a few babies, whip up a few batches of Kraft Mac N Cheese, and after that we'd be smooth sailing; eating Bon-Bon's and watching "All My Children" on our velvet pink chaise lounge, coming down from a Shiraz buzz.

The fact of the matter is, we all want that happy medium. That porridge, that chair, that bed, that man, that life, that is just right. As much as we are told we need to hold out for the best... the best is boring. A man without flaws is not a man that I want, nor a man that could provide me with eternal bliss. So how do we snag this "not-so-perfect" perfect guy?

Here's the part where I, personally, lose sleep at night.

Recently (Who am I kidding?) My entire adult life, I have been traveling first class on The Dating Struggle Bus. I'd like to think this is mostly because everyone has a soulmate and I just haven't stumbled upon mine yet, but I'm pretty sure there is no scientific research supporting that there is a "soulmate" out there for everyone. 

Behavioral Decision Making is my dating road block. I can't decide whether it's better to throw my crazy, koo-koo side completely out there for all the men to see, or just to give them small samplings over an extended period of time. Because let's face it, the man I end up with is either going to be the most kind and patient man alive, or a complete and total lunatic. Cross your fingers, I'm hoping he's a little bit of both.

Actually, in the dating scene, I never really know what I'm doing, how I should properly go about doing it, or how to behave afterwards. And I've tried tackling it from every angle. I have played the "shy girl", I have been outgoing and loud, I've been a lady, I've belched, I've been nonchalant, I've been the guys gal (my personal favorite), I've been the unattainable bitch, I've been a bookworm, I've been a matronly mommy babysitter figure. It all ends the same... me in much confusion and a loose pair of sweatpants with a full package of Oreos, a tall glass of milk, and Sleepless in Seattle in my DVD player. Wow, that sounds just plain old pathetic. But hell, the only reason I'm ok with disclosing that information is because I know for a fact (Hey there single friends!) that I am not the only one who does this.

The truth is, I enjoy being alone. ALOT. Probably more often than most people. I really enjoy my own company because HELL, I'm a catch! I'm fun, witty, outgoing, free-spirited, optimistic, and light hearted.  And I bet you'd never guess that my vice is my lack of modesty. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't want to hang out with me?! Everyone should want that! Right? Right! But as confident and independent as I am, and as often as I make jokes about it, I would love to be able to meet someone that I like a little more than myself, so that I don't end up an old crazy hag who cracks jokes that no one, but herself, understands. And honestly, I'm starting to think my life is leaning towards that scenario becoming a reality.

Being that I'd like to have a companion that I can, at the bare minimum, tolerate... and who in-turn tolerates me, I often make attempts to be proactive in the dating scene, asking friends and family for dating tidbits. 

*NOTE*
- I AM CONVINCED THAT THIS IS A DATING BOOBY TRAP/LABYRINTH/RIGGED MIND MAZE. And this is why...

Friend A's advice = "If it's meant to be, it will happen. Don't push too hard for anything from him. Play hard to get. Act like you don't care. Never make the first move."

Friend B's advice = "If you want someone to be in your life, then make it happen. You'll never know until you try. Never be afraid to share how you feel. Go for it."

Friend C's advice = "Be mean to him."

Friend D's advice = "Be nice to him."

Dad's advice = "Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Have fun."

Mom's advice = "Focus on one relationship. Don't be a floozy."

Dr. Phil's advice = "Communication is crucial."

Maury's advice = "You are not the father."

In the end, I mostly rely on my heart, or my gut, or whatever the hell it is that tells me how or what to make my next move in my relationships. Granted, I know that part of the reason for my unluckiness in love can be chalked up to the fact that I am attracted to complete buttholes (pardon my french), but even as I am learning to broaden my horizons (aka steer clear of guys who know they are tall, dark, and handsome), the fact remains that men (even the nice ones) and dating are an utter mystery to me. I just can't figure them, or it, out.

So, I pose these questions to my readers... Is there a happy dating medium? How do we know where to draw the lines in order to create a steady, normal, healthy relationship? How much is too much? Do you actively seek out relationships, knowing the majority of them will fail due to incompatibility? Or do you sit back, live your life, and wait patiently for Mr. Right?

I realize much of this is circumstantial, but I think it would be a GRAND idea for all of you to congregate, ask yourselves these questions, formulate some solid, concrete answers and then get back to me. These conflicting words of wisdom are really starting to make me feel like a schizophrenic.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Nikki Z's Ultimate Top 40


Since I started this whole blogging ordeal, I've had multiple friends request that I write a post dedicated to music. I don't like to toot my own horn (toot toot) but I consider myself something of a musical guru. 

Like, you know that game you play in the car where the Car DJ plays a few seconds of a song and  you try to guess the title and artist as quickly as possible? What?! No one else plays that?!?! Well, I'm a 3 time gold medalist in that game.

Now, most people don't have an absolute favorite song, but I do, because I'm a freak. It's "Crash Into Me", the single most overplayed Dave Matthews song of all time. I get chills every time I hear it. It makes no sense whatsoever but I can firmly say that there is no better song than that, in my opinion.

So, here... I'm disclosing my top 40 songs aka the soundtrack of my life. How did I select them, you ask? Well, I went through my iPod and wrote down all the songs that were physically impossible to skip over without listening to them in their entirety. I also asked my closest friends what song came to mind when they thought of me. These are the people who know me the best. Some of their responses scared me, because I could totally understand why they associated each particular song with my persona, no matter how ridiculous that song may be... Ehhhemmm... ("Milkshake" by Kelis). 

You might think I'm crazy. You might think I'm a genius. 
Frankly, I don't give a damn.
It's my list. And I stick my tongue out towards the haters.

  • "Closer" by NeYo - If this song is slick, then the video is Slick Rick.

  • "Night Moves" by Bob Seger
  • "Gettin' Jiggy With It" by Will Smith
  • "Midnight Train To Georgia" by Gladys Knight and The Pips
  • "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" by The Darkness
  • "Shower The People" by James Taylor
  • "She Talks To Angels" by The Black Crowes
  • "PYT" by Michael Jackson
  • "Yellow" by Coldplay
  • "What If I Came Knocking" by John Mellencamp - It has a rough, sexy, edgy-ness that I love.
  • "Best I Ever Had" by Drake
  • "Dancing In The Dark" by Bruce Springsteen
  • "I Try" by Macy Gray
  • "Summertime" by Kenny Chesney
  • "Dream On" by Aerosmith
  • "You Send Me" by Aretha Franklin
  • "Sweet Lady" by Tyrese
  • "I Want You Back" by NSYNC
  • "Sure Thing" by Miguel
  • "Valerie" by Amy Winehouse
  • "Soon I'll Be Loving You" by Marvin Gaye - You can't not like this man.
  • "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen
  • "Never Can Say Goodbye" by The Jackson 5
  • "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston
  • "Mr. Jones" by The Counting Crows
  • "Slow Jamz" by Kanye West
  • "Hear Me" by Kelly Clarkson
  • "Milkshake" by Kelis
  • "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman
  • "Rearview Mirror" by Pearl Jam - Pissed off? Bad break-up? Give this a listen.
  • "Ordinary People" by John Legend
  • "Getting In The Way" by Jill Scott
  • "Untitled (How Does It Feel) by D'Angelo
  • "All By Myself" by Celine Dion
  • "That's All" by Genesis
  • "Nothing Even Matters" by Lauryn Hill
  • "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers
  • "Ain't Nobody" by Chaka Khan
  • "Crash Into Me" by Dave Matthews
  • "You Gotta Be" by Desiree - I dare you to listen to this song when you're in a bad mood.


Dear "Now That's What I Call Music" people,

Go ahead, give my people a ring. I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,
Nicole

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