Why I’m Ok With Being Boring

When I was in high school, you were NOBODY if you weren’t passing around 15-20 handwritten notes, folded up into intricate oragami-esque squares to all of your besties and current crushes throughout each school day. We didn’t have smart phones or texting at this point, so apparently I am as old as a rock. Most of the content in these notes was absolutely pointless conversation, usually about music or weekend plans or gossip going around the school, you know... all the stressful, pressing topics for 14 year old girls in the early 2000’s. Life is funny because I vividly remember hating high school my freshman year, and sitting on my parents bed sobbing because I felt like I had “no friends” and I wanted them to transfer me to a different school. I sit here at 30, writing this blog post, dying to have that problem once again.

No friends... no commitments to birthday parties, bridal showers, baby sprinkles, graduations, etc. To have the luxury of living my own schedule, to do what I want to do when I want to do it. And what I want to do at the end of most days is snuggle at home with my dogs and my boyfriend and watch Netflix, which undoubtly turns into me snoring on the couch within the first 15 minutes of a show, leaving the dogs and the boyfriend to snuggle themselves.

In high school, I remember passing notes with one of my guy friends one day, opening the 4th in the chain for the day, and reading a sentence that I probably won’t forget for the rest of my life. Two words.

“You’re boring.”

I was mortified. I was hurt. I was a pissed off teenage girl. This was my friend, telling ME... loud, silly, carefree, extroverted, original, 15 year old Nicole that I AM BORING. I wasn’t even interested in this guy, but I suddenly took a huge blow to my self esteem. I wasn’t ever the head cheerleader type in high school. I never even had a true-lasts-more-than-two-weeks boyfriend until I was in my 20’s. If news got out that I was boring, I’d be ruined, no chance, missing out on all great things in life that would have come around my way otherwise. I think from that point on, for awhile in my life at least, I doubled my efforts to appear to others as some kind of untamable wild thing.... rare and unique and unlike any other girl they had met before. Writing this makes me a bit sad.

Why is being “simple” frowned upon? Remove the word “boring” from the equation. How many times do you see a post on social media of a friend who has traveled to Iceland or Croatia and think to yourself, “Wow, that person is really living their BEST life. Why am I not doing that? Why is my life so dull and mundane?”

I was mowing my lawn the other day, and along my fence line I noticed a string of baby strawberries growing out of nowhere. Any other day, I probably would have just continued on, in attempts to get through that days chores as quickly as possible. But for some reason, I stopped this day. The strawberries amazed me. They were perfect. None of my neighbors grow strawberries, I’ve never attempted to grow strawberries, and yet here they were. Tiny edible rubies growing out of nowhere.

My point is, how many times are we too busy being nearly-literal robots, staring down at a screen complaining about how boring our life is, that we forget how many beautiful, unique, and one-of-kind things we are surrounded by on a day to day basis? Or we are just too “programmed” in our ways to realize we are living a self inflicted blind life to extraordinary beauty we can discover if we just open our eyes. Teach your children the difference between a "want" and a "need". Understand yourself that all which glitters is not gold, and Instagram and Facebook are not a means to judge the happiness in a person's life. If simplicity brings you peace, bring more simplicity in and rid yourself of the frills.

If someone sees the life I’m living as “boring”, I’m ok with that. My dog is extraordinary to me. I see God in him every day, when I wake up and go to sleep. My boyfriend is the soul I never thought could still exist in this world, and our journey of how we have become a “boring” couple never ceases to bring tears to my eyes as I drive down the road listening to a “boring” song that makes me think about us. My house is small. My life is small. My job isn’t to save lives everyday. Does this make me inadequate or unworthy of happiness? No. I have been humbled in ways that I wish most people in this day and age could experience at least once in their life times. Being humbled makes you realize what matters and what doesn’t. So if I never get to visit Croatia, fine. At least I’ll still have some fresh wild strawberries that I can enjoy on a lazy Sunday afternoon in small town Ohio.

Cars (Not The Band) and Tom Petty

My boyfriend loves cars. Loves 'em. Ab-sa-freaking-lutely loves 'em. One night at our local bar, I swear, I listened to him talk so passionately about cars with a total stranger for close to 2 hours that I'm unsure if he took a sip of his beer or even paused to take a breath during the entire duration of the conversation.

I mean... yeah, cars are cool...obviously. They get you where you need to go fast. They smell amazing (sometimes). You feel a sense of pride when you purchase your first one, and are saddened when the time comes to sell your favorite.

Car commercials where dads are sending their daughters off to college never really tugged at my heart strings enough to make me want to buy that brand of automobile, though. I never really got why so many car companies made commercials so sappy, so cheesy, so family oriented. Until this morning.

Tom Petty died last night. Awesome segue, huh?

Tom Petty died last night and I'm really sad about it. I almost feel foolish for admitting that. Especially after I told my boyfriend that Tom Petty died, and his response was, "Who's Tom Petty?" (Love you, Drew!) 😉

... Apparently, Tom Petty's music wasn't as impactful on some other people's lives and memories as it was on mine.

His music didn't pull me out of a deep depression, nor did it spark an inspiration for a future career in the rock music industry, despite my numerous attempts to convince my mother that I actually am a decent singer. But, his music will always mean a great deal to me.

As many daughters do, I spent most Novembers and Decembers with my mom driving around town Christmas shopping. When I am older, I won't remember the stores we went to, or the items and gifts we purchased during these excursions. What I will remember is the drive there and the drive home; listening to the radio, and "Breakdown" by Tom Petty coming through the speakers. My mom immediately recognized it, and cranked the volume up as far as the speakers would allow. This was the same mom who was constantly nagging me to turn MY music down because it was too loud. It startled me. I looked over at my mom and there was something different about her while she was listening and singing along. Her previous structured, by-the-book driving, became a bit more relaxed and she gracefully changed lanes, weaving to-and-fro as she came across cars traveling at a lesser speed. She knew every word of the song. It was like she was back in her first car, a young woman without a care in the world. Her eyes looked beyond the road and held a glimmer that I'd never seen before in my mom. You know, she was just "Mom" before. She was the woman who drove me to softball games and begged me to clean my room and yelled at me up the stairs to turn my music down. Now, this car ride made her an identifiable person to me. A person who was more than just my mom. A person who had a life before me, who had feelings just like I had, who let music transcend and take her to a different place and time.

When I first learned to drive, my brother (who cannot drive) bought himself a small pick-up truck, and that was the truck that I (as a newly licensed driver) was to drive my brother around in, to whatever destination he so pleased. Brian, my brother, played air guitar in that truck to "Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty, pretty much on a weekly basis. And you know what? At the stop lights, I played along with him. We jammed HARD in that truck.

When we were kids and we had to drive to Southern Ohio for family gatherings, the biggest challenge my family faced was what music to listen to during the drive down. At the time, it felt like we were crammed into the car like sardines; my brother's boney elbow digging into my side and my little sister was touching me... TOUCHING ME!! She had some nerve. That alone is enough to drive an 11 year old off the edge. I'm sure with our arguing, bickering, and whining, the inside of the car probably resembled more of a zoo's primate exhibit than a family car-ride. However, do you know what song we always agreed on, no matter what, and sung harmoniously like we were the freaking Von Trap family singing "So Long, Farewell"? It was Tom Petty's, "I Won't Back Down". In those moments while that song was playing, there was peace and there was happiness in the world. Or at least there was in the Zuefle family Volkswagon.

He was no saint, he was an ordinary man. He went through the fame, fortune, and struggles that come along with those American dreams that most people never come close to achieving. I did not worship the man like he was a god, but I can't help but feel a bittersweet loss and nostalgia today. I will always remember the times spent growing up with my family and listening to Tom Petty... a time before smart phones, and iPads, and Netflix. A time when singing music with meaningful lyrics and dancing in the kitchen with your family was the normal way to spend your evenings. Do families do that anymore? Without having a cell phone in hand and immediately posting the video of the very personal family memory on Instagram? I know I am just as guilty of this as anyone, but it truly amazes me that I can so vividly recollect these memories of jamming in the car with my family, without the aid of a video on a phone.

This is why I am sad that Tom Petty died. And this is why now I understand why car companies make sappy car commercials.

The Prodigal Blogger... that's me!

I haven't blogged in over 2 and a half years... and I'm not even sure why I've decided to blog again today.

I guess I'm growing extremely tired of the overabundance and relentlessness of depressing "literature" and "news" on social media over the past few months, (though I know I'm reading it all of my own free will). I just feel the need to put something out there that probably won't start an argument among my friends and family. Who knows? Maybe this post will lead to the 10 millionth great Facebook debate of 2017 between political Facebook experts, but for all of your sake, I really hope it will be much to the contrary.

I haven't blogged in 2.5 years because I've been pretty busy living, learning, coping, growing, dealing with a whole lot. I'd like to emphasize the living portion of that last sentence. How cliche...

Yes, cliche, but also... it's the truth. So, here's some quick updates on my life: nephews and nieces were born, and stole my heart. A long term relationship ended, and independence was found. My mind learned to not dwell on the past and my heart learned what truly made it beat. Weight was lost. A LOT OF WEIGHT. Debts were paid.

A house was purchased.

  A house was gutted.

 A house caused many headaches and sleepless nights.

 A house was made beautiful.

 A house was made a home.

Love was found, during the most unexpected time, but in the most wonderful of ways.

Then, I got happy fat... again... which is ok. Just currently need to hit the treadmill and lay off the Milky Way's and craft beer is all.

Also, a lot of scary stuff has happened. A billionaire with little-to-no social awareness/politeness was elected president, social injustices came to the very forefront of every form of media known to man, hurricanes destroyed homes/lives... and that is just a small sample of what has happened within this past year. The year and half before that seems like a distant, murky memory, as I sit and type this.

This is what I know: People are mad. People are angry. People are scared. People are hurt. So much more right now, than I can remember in the past 29 years of my life.

I'm not going to stir any pots and I'm not going to state my opinions on any issue, because 1.) I am no expert, 2.) I hate arguing with people (it's just not in my nature), and 3.) I'm tired.

It seems many have forgotten that the point of an argument is not to see who is right or who is wrong and hand out a hearty, newsworthy pat on the back to the "victor", but to resolve a real problem in the best possible manner.

So... what I will talk about is the fact that today marks 3 years since I adopted my friend, Sampson.

Everyone likes dogs, right?! Ok, fine... maybe not everyone. But come on, work with me, people.

You know what's funny? My last blog post was about my dog, as well. I think it's because in times when I feel like I need to get stuff off my chest, he reminds me that life has the potential to be very simple. I recently watched a documentary about a lifestyle called Minimalism, which is exactly what it sounds like... living your life with minimal extras; minimal "fluff".  

I LOVED THIS DOCUMENTARY.

I think many people don't realize what's important in life until the important things are stripped from them, for whatever reason, (i.e. relationships with loved ones/family members) and all you're left with to comfort you is actually just "fluff".

I mean honestly, sit down and ask yourself, "What do I actually need to bring happiness to my life?"

For me, I need clean water... preferably the running kind. And food. And safe shelter. And love. A little money helps to make sure my water isn't shut off and I have heat during ridiculous Ohio winters. I need my parents. I need my siblings. Friends are cool. My boyfriend makes me laugh and feel wanted. My family provides me with good advice. My dog is my protector and companion. That's it. That's honestly all I need. Maybe a bed. And some playing cards.

But seriously, for true happiness, I honestly don't believe I would need much more than that.

Do I need the new iPhoneX to be able to comfort my mother when she upset because her sister has recently passed away of a terrible illness? No. Do I need 400 cable channels (that I don't even watch) when my sister needs help with her injured toddler because her husband who is in the military has to leave for training for weeks on end? No. Do I need a new designer purse for every season or yearly vacations to the Caribbean in order to sit and listen to a friend who is trying to hold it together during a difficult time when many people would just completely fall apart? No.

When I was watching this documentary and going over all the things I need and don't need, my mind kept going back to Sampson. My dog needs nothing more than water, food, exercise, shelter, and companionship. Not only does he not need any more in life than that, but he literally desires nothing more than that. When I decided to get a dog, I found his picture on Pet Finder, went to the shelter where he was being held, had a mini panic attack from hearing hundreds of dogs wailing in sterile, cold cages, paid for Sampson, I signed some papers, and I got the heck out of there and never looked back.

My dog went through a struggle, like most people do at some point in their life. He had no idea if he would ever make it past that misery, if he would ever have a decent home and a friend again. He wasn't promised anything. I had no idea the impact I would have on this dog's life, honestly. I just wanted a dog. When I heard his story of how he came to the shelter, it broke my heart but also made me elated that I could just provide him a good, healthy, loving home. Nothing extravagant, nothing grandiose, just some warmth and water and food. Maybe a tennis ball, here and there. The thing is, that was all he needed to feel like himself again.

What we need more than anything right now is companionship and simplicity, to feel like ourselves again.

I don't know... maybe there's more to it than that.

But I think that's a great start for people who are feeling lost and helpless and afraid during these times. Simplify your life. Purge the fluff, the frill, the negativity. Spend time with your friends. Listen first, and then talk once you've thought about what is actually important to say.

Chew on a tennis ball. That's what helps Sampson when he's feeling stressed.